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Embracing Your Changed Relationship After Having A Baby

Embracing Your Changed Relationship After Having A Baby

Posted on: Sunday 11 June 2023


view from above of a man and woman holding hands, the man has his other hand on the handle of a pram

Among the many things you're warned about before having a baby (not sure why people think it's at all helpful to warn you about anything at all once you're already pregnant to be honest, but that's another story) is the impact it will have on your relationship with your partner. You're told you'll end up resenting each other, you'll be constantly bickering and you'll lose all the quality time you once spent together. 

I'm not here to tell you that none of that is true; of course there have been times I've envied Matthew being able to sit and enjoy an uninterrupted coffee break at work while I'm at home having avocado launched at me and yes, we've hurled some fairly catty comments at each other during those sleepless nights. But it's really not all bad. 

Your relationship will change enormously, as you would expect from a lifestyle change as huge as adding a whole extra person to your family. And, yes, it goes without saying that it comes with its challenges, but I'd like to break the rhetoric that the impact a baby has on your relationship is all bad and instead focus on the positives because, believe it or not, there are actually plenty of them. 

The quality time you once spent together as a two may suddenly become extremely limited, but you still have that time together, just as a three. We still do lots of the same things we used to do as a couple, just with a small person in tow and a little more organisation before we leave the house (which we are probably doing a good couple of hours earlier than we previously would have done too). Instead of lamenting the time lost as a couple we like to celebrate the fact that we get to share our lives and the things we love to do with someone who's even more important to us than each other. There may be the odd occasion we wish we were sat in a beer garden with a cold glass of wine instead of in soft play covered in dribble, but those moments really are few and far between. 

You also get to witness the person you love become a parent and watch them love and be loved by your child. Raising a child together, while it may result in a fair few disagreements along the way, has cemented for me that I chose the right person to have a baby with because of how likeminded we are in our approach to parenting and in our attitudes towards our little boy. While your relationship suddenly revolves around being parents it doesn't mean your relationship isn't growing. 

I also think it's important to keep a little perspective. A lot of the challenges that your relationship may face in early parenthood such as lack of quality time, bickering, resentment, potential lack of intimacy, are all short lived. The early weeks, months and years won't last forever and your relationship will gradually become about the two of you again, only you'll hopefully be even stronger from your experiences as parents. 

Becoming a parent is one of the biggest (if not the biggest) thing I will ever go through so to be able to support and be supported by someone else going through the same is actually pretty special. 


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