Sunday, 13 May 2018

Making Friends As An Adult



A few weeks ago I tweeted about how making friends as an adult is on a par with dating (not that I know anything about dating at all, but I imagine it to be) and it ended up being my most retweeted tweet ever so it's obviously something that a lot of people find difficult. I find it odd that it's not really spoken about all that much; we spend a lot of time discussing dating tips and the like, but friendships are still seen as something that should just naturally happen and are, in a way I suppose, taken for granted.

As children it's fairly easy to make friends; you have an array of barbies and soft toys between you to break the ice and allay the need for small talk, you get sent off to play together by your parents who have decided you will be friends and you don't really worry as much about what sort of impression you're making. As an adult, you're at a standing start and because of that it takes time, which as adults, isn't something we have an awful lot of.



Playsuit - Byer Too California (old) | Trainers - Pimkie (similar) | Bag - Asos (old) | Sunglasses - Primark



In my experience, I've found that the reason it takes a lot of time isn't necessarily because I'm busy or that I'm not sure whether we'd get on or not, it's the same sense of reluctance and self-doubt that I imagine comes with dating and that resulted in me making that comparison. What if the other person doesn't want to be my friend? What if they don't even like me, or worse, they only agree to meet up with me because they feel sorry for me? All these doubts (which are most likely going through the other person's head too) make me tentative so instead of 'making the first move' I'll throw a few hints just to gauge their reaction and they might throw a few hints too. And so these vague suggestions of us maybe wanting to be friends are thrown back and forth over weeks, months, years, until we finally take the plunge and do something about it.

With the end of the first 'friend date' doesn't come the end of the awkward shall-we-be-friends dance. It's like an actual first date; you're left wondering whether the other person liked you, whether they had a nice time along with overanalysing absolutely everything you said in case you came across as a weirdo/bitch/loser. Usually by the second or third 'friend date' I start feeling comfortable and secure in the fact that this person probably does in fact quite like me. But boy it takes time and stress to get to that point doesn't it?


 The reason for this? I suppose we're all scared of rejection, just as we would be with dating. In reality, the worst that could happen is the other person could say no, they might fob us off a few times until we get the message and our feelings will be a little hurt, but we'll find other friends and no harm will be done. I'd conclude this post by saying go for it, if you want to take the plunge and ask someone on a 'friend date' then do it, but that would be hypocritical because as much as I'd like to do that myself, I know I'll still feel that doubt. So what I will say is, I may not need dating tips, but send me all the making friends tips you have!

Do you find making friends as an adult hard?

Amy x

Photos: Sophie




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17 comments

  1. You're so right! Making friends as an adult is terrifying! When I moved to Newcastle I didn't know anyone and the girls I worked with really weren't my cup of tea and I remember going home each night and having a little cry to Simon that I'd never make friends because how on earth do you make friends as an adult? I thought I'd end up having to move back to London because I'd be so friendless! I am so thankful to be a blogger because I met each of my North East friends through various blogging events and because we had the shared interest it was easy to make conversation and become friends - I don't know what I would have doe without it, I think I would have still been friendless!

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    1. Aw bless you, I'm so glad you found some blogging friends! I've made some awesome blogging friends in Hull too :) xx

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  2. I feel this SO hard. Making friends as an adult really is on par with dating. I wish I had advice to give, but I can only relate, though I do agree with New Girl in Toon - blogging has been a nice/interesting way to meet people.

    amberelb.com

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    1. Yeah I'd definitely have less friends if it wasn't for blogging! I still found that hard though haha xx

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  3. Such a great post! It is really hard to meet new friends as an adult especially when you move away or work from home. Hope you have a great start to the new week.

    Gemma x
    www.jacquardflower.uk

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    1. It's so difficult isn't it! Thanks Gemma, hope you had a lovely weekend xx

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  4. Such an insightful post! It's so true that the friend issue is nonexistent and so very simple come adulthood and I think it's because with life experiences we just worry too much and become more bashful as the years go by. The irony is that most people are quite happy and open to be your friend its just that we are all too bashful to approach each other haha

    https://www.thewhimsicalwildling.com/

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    1. oops i meant nonexistent in childhood*

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    2. Yes it's such a vicious cycle isn't it - why are we all so scared?! xx

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  5. It's funny isn't it, how insecure we can be about these things as adults. A friend of mine recently had her first baby and was really keen to make some 'mum' friends as she felt a little isolated in the daytimes. She started telling me this story about a girl she really wanted to get to know in her NCT group and was really embarrassed by it all - the way she started off I was expecting her to tell me she'd turned into some psycho-stalker who'd used social media to manipulate her way into her life but it turns out all she had done was send a message along the lines of 'Hey, looks like we live quite near to each other - do you fancy maybe grabbing a coffee some time with the babies?' Poor thing had convinced herself she'd done something really weird and that this girl would be freaked out! I was like, DUDE, THAT'S JUST BEING FRIENDLY!! I think a lot of the time we have a habit of thinking surely no-one would want to be friends with boring old us, and the idea of being turned down is just too excruciating to think about! I guess it really is like dating in that way!

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    1. There's such a fear of rejection there isn't there! It's mad because I'd love to be friends with more people and would be flattered so I'm sure everyone else would feel the same! xx

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  6. I love the comparison with the 'friend date' - that's SO TRUE when you're making friends as an adult and have to basically court them because you dont have the history you do with school or uni friends when you're all just dumped in together and end up forming friendships. Honestly, I don't know that I've made many friends as an adult - a few when travelling, obviously people at work but I kind of consider that like school, and of course through blogging. We had a CRACKING friend date (plz like me) xxx

    Sophie | Sophar So Good

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    1. Yeah the only ones I've made other than at work are through blogging. And don't worry, I definitely like you, we need that second friend date then it's locked in haha! xx

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  7. Hmmm...this is such an interesting topic. It can be hard, but personally, I examine someone before I even make a move to strike a friendship. Body language, behaviour, the language coming out of their mouth, etc. Ha!! If it doesn't sit well in my stomach, I'll remain in my bubble. Sometimes I also wait for people to strike that friendship card before I try. Ha!
    On another note you look wonderful. Love the comfort!

    https://www.missymayification.co.uk

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    1. I definitely let it go back and forth a bit to check that the other person likes me and is my cup of tea! Even then I'm scared though! xx

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  8. It's pretty scary but I always put myself out there because I always guess I have nothing to lose haha! I think we should all just give it a go as we're all always saying that it's hard to make pals as an adult so we're all in the same boat which means there's nothing to be afraid of - if that makes any sense at all haha x

    http://www.whatjosiedidnext.com/

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    1. Yeah we are definitely all in the same boat!I know I'd love people to approach me so shouldn't be afraid to approach others first! xx

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