Sunday, 11 February 2018

Let's Stop Invalidating Our Feelings


I've never been one to open up and talk about my feelings, I feel awkward and even if I'm visibly upset I find it difficult to get any words out to explain what's actually wrong (something that has caused Nick a large amount of frustration over the years I'm sure). As I'm getting older, the more I'm beginning to question things about myself. In the past I suppose I've just accepted that's the way I am, I find it difficult to open up and that's that, but recently I've started to question why it's hard for me and whether there's anything I can do to make it easier. 

This subject came up in conversation with some friends a few weeks ago and as we discussed it I discovered that one of them has the same problem and she told me why she feels that way. I realised that's exactly why I've always felt that way too. And I know it's definitely not just me and my friend, it's lots of other people too. We find it difficult to open up and talk about things because we don't think our feelings are valid. 

I know it's not just me and my friend because I hear it virtually every day, people who are obviously not OK saying 'Oh it's nothing really' or 'I'm just being silly'. Even when we get as far as admitting that we're having a bad day or that we're a little upset, we tend to invalidate it immediately by brushing it off as 'nothing' or 'silly'.




So why do we do this? The reasoning for invalidating our feelings will be different for everyone, but in a nutshell it's because we don't think anything we might be feeling or going through is worthy of sympathy because we know people who have gone through much, much worse. What gives us the right to complain about something when there are people with much bigger problems than ours? We've never felt like our problems are big enough or like our feelings are bad enough so we've shut them off and learnt not to talk about them. And that's something that really doesn't do us an awful lot of good. It's a fact that talking things out is good for us so being incapable of that isn't the best for our health.

It's funny how differently we view other people compared to how we view ourselves. Not opening up to people isn't really a conscious decision for me, the shutting off happens automatically, but if I were to consider it I'd probably be worried that people would tell me I'm being silly, that I'm upset over nothing, that I have a great life so I shouldn't complain. Yet when the friend I was talking to voiced those exact same concerns I thought it was awful that she felt that way because I felt like she really needed to talk, she was definitely not being silly and her feelings were 100% valid. Which surely means mine are too?

Just to clarify, I'm not currently upset about anything so this isn't some sort of cry out for help (I know that's probably what you were thinking Mum and had probably already started composing a text message to me in your head). This is a promise to myself that I'm not going to invalidate my feelings anymore, I'm going to make the effort to talk about things that have upset me, even tiny little things that are silly. And it's also a reminder to anyone else (because I think that's probably a lot of you) that your feelings are always valid, always matter and nobody is ever going to make you feel silly for talking about them.




Dress - Tessie's (here) | Boots - Topshop (here)

Amy x
Share:

12 comments

  1. Omg I feel like this a lot too. After I do open up I often feel guilty for wasting their time about something trivial, even though I'd never think that about someone else. I'm actively trying to open up more as it can help clear out my head a lot.

    https://lauralovette.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it would really really help if people just talked a bit more for sure! xx

      Delete
  2. Lovely dress, you look gorgeous (:

    CM | XIII.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, I'm wearing it so often at the moment! x

      Delete
  3. You are so so right! I do the same thing and try and convince myself that I should stop complaining because so many people have it worse. Obviously that's something important to remember and should always be in the back of our minds but it also doesn't mean that what we're feeling/going through doesn't matter. I think that might contribute to why a lot of people experience depression and anxiety - because instead of talking about their feelings and validating them they always just push them aside and refuse to acknowledge them. Beautiful dress babe, and I also love how you've styled your hair.
    Sharni | www.agirlandgrey.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I definitely think it's important to have perspective but SO important to chat through our feelings too! xx

      Delete
  4. Great post Amy and I love your dress.

    Gemma x
    www.jacquardflower.uk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Gemma, it's my new favourite dress! x

      Delete
  5. This is such a relevant post! I know what it's like to feel guilty about negative feelings. When we allow ourself to open up and express ourselves I find I have an easier time working through my emotions.

    Shann Eileen | www.shanneileen.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Definitely! Talking does us so much good! xx

      Delete
  6. I can often feel like this too and it's so difficult sometimes, I end up just getting frustrated with myself and then everything builds up and then when I do open up, it just comes out in one massive blabby ramble!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes I'm well acquainted with massive rambles haha! xx

      Delete

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on my blog, I read them all so remember to tick 'Notify' if you want to see my reply!

© Call Me Amy | All rights reserved.
Blog Layout Created by pipdig