Wednesday, 29 November 2017

Online Validation and Self-Worth


I'm coming at you with this post after a week long blogging break, something that I should probably have done a long time ago, but I'm someone who enjoys order so I like the fact that I have two set days a week that I post and I love the fact that up until last week I've never missed a post. What I don't like is that this has led to me view blogging as more of a chore and something that I 'have to get done'. At a time when I'm really enjoying work and life in general, my blog was the one thing that I felt was bringing me down, which is odd because I love writing and I love this little space on the internet that I've created. So I took a step back, had a break and thought about why. Why is something I enjoy making me feel stressed and under pressure and generally a bit 'meh'? 

I love the moments of pride that come with blogging - the posts that get a lot of shares, the feeling that you've finally created something worth reading, the first time one of your Instagram pictures gets triple figure likes - it can be a very rewarding process. But with the ups come the downs and what I've come to realise is that I, along with many others I'm sure, had started to base my own self-worth solely on online validation. I only felt worthy if people who I've never met in real life made me feel so. Pretty dangerous no? 

It feels great to write a post that gets fifty comments; they're all positive, you're chuffed to the moon and back that this many people are engaging with your content and you get that little warm buzz that comes with knowing that people like what you're doing. That's all well and good, but what happens when you write a post that only gets four comments? In reality, you should probably just brush it off and think 'well hey, that obviously wasn't my best writing or the most interesting topic' and realise that it's not all about numbers. But instead of thinking about it in terms of the content decision you've made, you start to take it personally (I'm saying 'you' here and I'm not quite sure why because I'm talking about myself obvs). Instead of thinking 'my writing/photography in that post wasn't very good' you start thinking 'I'm not very good.'




Another big part of this is Instagram. Everyone and their neighbour's dog has had a fall in engagement on Instagram recently, but it's another thing that's easy to take personally when you've been basing your self-worth on it. I don't know when that starts, but I suppose when you've had growth in followers/engagement/likes for a while you start to crave it and rely on it to make you feel good about yourself. You start to see every like as someone liking you as a person rather than just liking that one picture. So when the likes begin to dwindle? When the followers start unfollowing? It's a blow to your ego because it makes you feel like people are starting to dislike you and that you're not worth anyone's time. 

All of the above is absolutely ridiculous and it's all come because I've fallen into the trap of online validation making me feel good about myself so when that validation doesn't come I feel bad, 'meh' and 'what's the point?' I think this has affected my content in a way - I'm writing things I think people will like instead of the things I want to write about, which come far easier to me and probably result in much better posts. So I'm going to make a change. I'm going to blog to seek validation from myself rather than other people online. I'm not going to publish a post unless I'm happy with it, not just when I think other people might like it. And I'm going to focus less on numbers, or at least try to (harder than it seems isn't it?) and throw myself back into blogging hopefully recharged, with renewed motivation and with less desperation for online validation.



And on a lighter note, I'm going to dedicate this last paragraph to my outfit because LOL that's probably what you're all here for rather than the last 700 words of drivel. I've featured this jacket once before, but it's become a real staple and I've been wearing it non stop because it's SO COSY and also I think it looks pretty good. Plus I've been wanting a denim shearling jacket for so long that now I've got one I'm going to make the most of it. The striped jumper that you can just about spy underneath it is an old Asos number that I got for about £6 in the sale, which I wore mainly because one of the colours in it matches my new boots. Which brings me nicely onto my new boots. Aren't they beaut? I'd never shopped at Misguided before, but when I saw that they had 50% off everything recently I couldn't not have a little browse and bagged these beauties for £20. I've been really wanting some red boots, but can't find any that I really like or that are very 'me' and I think burgundy maybe is a bit more 'me' (don't know why me is in inverted commas, I do mean me not some hypothetical version of myself) and I love the stars on them too. They're funky boots, but still kind of understated in a way where I feel that I can definitely wear them as casual everyday wear. I'm super happy that now it's colder I can get my faux leather trousers out again because they make me feel v. sassy but also they're surprisingly very comfortable and if you've ever read my blog before you'll know I put comfort before pretty much anything.


Boots - Misguided (here) | Jacket - Primark (current stock) | Jumper - Asos (similar) | Trousers - New Look (similar) | Bag - M&S (old)

Have you ever based your self-worth on online validation?

Amy x
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28 comments

  1. Wow!! You look beautiful dear <33 lovely style :)
    Blog x Facebook x Instagram x Bloglovin

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  2. I can totally relate to where you're coming from Amy, I think online validation is something that affects us all from time to time. I really try and focus on writing posts that I love and whether it gets good views or not, I'm proud of it because it was what I needed to write at the time, I've started using it more as an online diary and its very therapeutic. I always love your posts! xx

    www.natalieleanne.com

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    1. That's such a good way to look at it, I think I'm definitely starting to treat my blog a bit more like a diary/place to dump my random thought myself! Thanks lovely xx

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  3. They are such great ankle boots, love the stars! :)

    You raise such interesting points about how we view things online. With my pregnancies it was a good way to remind myself that things you see online are not real life - as I hid the baby bumps until I was ready to share. If I can hide a baby bump without editing, it's easy to see that photos don't show everything. Breaking the numbers game is harder to do though, I did a social media detox a while back and that really helped - "life is not about how many likes you get, it's all about how much love you show" was one of the things my Pastor said when he was encouraging the online break. I know if I start to get caught up in numbers again I jsut need to step back for a while and detox - just like you did :)


    Hope you are having a lovely week, and you got some bargains in the sales. I ended up grabbing a little something on Cyber Monday after resisting temptation all weekend, haha!

    Away From The Blue Blog

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    1. Thank you, they were such a great find! It's definitely important to remember that online isn't the same as real life. I'm going to carry on having detoxes as and when I feel like they would benefit me and that's a lovely quote to remember and live by! There were so many deals it's kinda hard to resist all temptation isn't it! xx

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  4. Such a great post. I can definitely relate to all you say. Also I really love your look today Amy. The boots are just lovely! Hope you are okay and don't let this get you down.

    Gemma x
    www.jacquardflower.uk

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    1. Thank you so much Gemma, I'm so pleased with the boots! xx

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  5. I know exactly what you mean about literally everything in this post and you did such a good job articulating it! I am definitely guilty of letting online validation define how I view my self-worth, which is a rubbish place to be, especially when your latest insta photo gets low engagement or no one reads your new blog post and you suddenly decide you must be a completely useless person. It's something I'm really trying to work on a bit, detaching myself from that side of it. Loved this and those boots are DIVINE. Lots of love xxx

    Sophie | Sophar So Good

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    1. Aw thank you girl I'm so glad you said I articulated it well as sometimes I think I just dump incoherent words on the page! It's definitely done me good to detach myself from that side of it and I guess just write for me! xx

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  6. I know exactly what you mean! Thanks so much for sharing and putting my feelings into words. I'm glad I'm not the only one. Blogging can be so exciting, but sometimes I definitely forget that I started my blog to have fun and shouldn't get so concerned with the numbers of it all and shouldn't seek validation from it. It's definitely something I still have to work on!

    Shann Eileen | www.shanneileen.com

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    1. You're definitely not the only one, in fact I imagine most of us are like this! It's so important to remember why we started and that at the end of the day it's a hobby and not something to get stressed about :) xx

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  7. Loved your pictures, jacket and boots - wow, really beautiful, you look great as usual! And talking about validation and chores (blogs), yes, it can be pretty much that way. But as I blog since 2005, by now I am Ok with all that :) It means, some people will get more attached, it goes beyond the blog, turns into real friendship and I love blogs for that. Some will only comment if they receive comments, Some will do that just to show 60 comments and compliments. Some will post every day thinking they are very needed. And some will take time to live life, having breaks and I love that :) I think you are doing all very well! Hope you have a beautiful day! Hugs!
    DenisesPlanet.com

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    1. I'm definitely going to start taking time to live life! Thanks so much Denise xx

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  8. Dude I completely agree with you about the whole comments thing. My third to last post got 60 or so comments, and then mys econd to last got 30 and I'm just thinking everyones suddenly tired of my content. But we must know that whilst a small amount could be because of the content, it isn't a personal attack on our writing or passions or anything! Also, you look great as always and I'm completely in love with this outfit!

    Amy;
    Little Moon Elephant

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    1. Yes definitely, plus I actually write for myself most of the time not for other people so if I'm happy with it then that's all good :) xx

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  9. You’ve nailed this one lovely! I think we all feel like this sometimes the online world can provide you with an incredible community but it can also feel like you are shouting into a void and no one is listening 😅

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    1. Aw thank you lovely, and yes that's exactly it! xx

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  10. Totally agree that it can only be a good thing to place less emphasis on an online following and in general, the online world. It's part of life, not life entirely! On a different note, really love this look on you - especially the leather-look leggings paired with those ankle boots!

    aglassofice.com
    x

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    1. Yes there definitely needs to be a balance to reflect that it's part of life and not life entirely! Thanks so much lovely :) xx

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  11. each of us should remember that we are worth it every time,.
    love this post you shared and i love your boots.

    Much Love,
    Jane | The Bandwagon Chic

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    1. Thanks so much, the boots were a right bargain! xx

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  12. Its kind of hard to break the connection but that's our generation isn't it?
    We're sharing online for that very reason so much of the time - aren't we?
    Keep doing what you're doing though - love this site!
    xxx

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    1. I know I definitely share online a lot for that reason! Thanks so much lovely xx

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  13. Sounds like a good set of rules to follow, I've had a bit of an Instagram break recently and felt much better for it as I stopped comparing my posts to others. Also, those boots are amazing! I love the stars!!
    Have a lovely weekend :)
    Rosanna x
    Rose's Rooftop

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    1. Instagram breaks are always good! Thanks girl, they were such a bargain too! xx

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  14. Amazing look.
    Love the detailing on the boots.
    xx
    https://theonethattravels.wordpress.com/
    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_zn7IqrAY1I44bRuN6dH-Q?view_as=subscriber

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    1. Thank you, I'm obsessed with these boots atm! x

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