Sunday, 11 December 2016

Self Acceptance


Self acceptance. The clue is in the name really, but I always thought self acceptance would come when I'd lost a bit of weight, my skin was totally flawless and I had my dream job. Etc etc. Turns out, as the phrase would suggest, it means accepting yourself exactly as you are and as whatever you may become. Self acceptance is unconditional and is actually a completely different thing to self confidence.

Well I never lost the weight, I still get spots but yes I do have a job I like. Somehow self acceptance happened somewhere along the way. I'm OK with me as I am. I've learnt there's a big difference between self acceptance and self confidence, but I've been able to accept the things I don't like about myself. I hope that makes sense. It's been a pretty long slog to get here though and that's what I want to speak about in this post. 

The dream of being someone I'm not began in my teens. I always felt like the ugly fat one among my pretty friends as well as the boring girl who should try harder to be a bit more fun. I remember one girl telling me everyone else though I was the 'Jas' from the Georgia Nicholson books in our group because she was annoying and desperate. From then on that's pretty much how I saw myself too. 

In my late teens I was no longer friends with that girl (funny eh) and I felt much better about myself looks-wise, although mainly because I had started to get attention from boys and that's not really the best way to validate your body image because once you lose that attention your self confidence falls right back down again. The main issue at this point in time was my desire to people please. I wanted people to like me and think I was fun so I said yes to everything. I don't actually regret having that attitude because I had a lot of fun in those years, but some of the choices I made were probably not the best.

You'd think it would continue to get better, but my early twenties was oddly probably the worst time for me. Because I'd placed so much of my self confidence in my body image in the hands of boys it was completely shattered and I'd stopped saying yes to everything, which caused friends from university to (in my mind) think I'd become boring because I no longer wanted to stay out until 4am. I wasn't particularly happy at university in my final year, but I also had no clue as to what direction my life was going to take afterwards. 

The change from then to now is pretty drastic when I think about it and I can't really explain why it happened apart from that I guess the friendships that weren't real fizzled out, I stopped caring so much what other people thought and I started this blog, which has been the best thing for self confidence. At some point in the past couple of years I accepted myself just as I am. Obviously there are times when I have little hiccups about my appearance or personality, but generally I'm pretty comfortable with who I am and it's such a big weight off my shoulders. There are things about myself that I don't like, but I don't let them bother me (very often anway). Pretty much every day I look in the mirror and think I could do with losing a bit of weight or a nose job, but it also doesn't bother me that I'm probably not going to do either of those things. It's a difficult one to try to explain so I'll stop trying to and sign out, hoping that you get what I mean!

Amy x
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18 comments

  1. You never lost the weight? What weight do you have to lose? I'd love your figure!

    Corinne x
    www.skinnedcartree.com

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    1. Aw you're too kind, funny how we all view ourselves completely differently to how others see us! Xx

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  2. Guuuurl! All of the feels! I can relate alot to this one. You've definitely never been boring, subtle, but not boring. I don't know that I've laughed harder with anyone else! Even though I've been something of a recluse at times, for much of the same reasons you've described here, you'll always be one if those special people to me.

    Katie

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    1. <3 <3 literally all the love in the world to you you lovely human being xxxxxx

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  3. I can relate to this SO much. I always felt hideous growing up (a major tomboy amongst a gang of pretty girls), plus I am the world's biggest granny so always felt mega boring because I hated going out.. age definitely helps with self acceptance, you kinda just lose the ability to care as much/priorities change! Loved this post my lovely <3

    Elle
    www.theellenextdoor.com
    xx

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    1. Thanks so much babe, I definitely feel like we have A LOT in common! Xx

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  4. It's very good that you are not friends with that girl anymore... she seemed to be the "know-it-all" among everybody and when someone tells you things like she did (everybody thinks you're this and that), that only shows that SHE was the one with self-issues, believe me. It takes time for us to finally see this, and in the meantime we "suffer". Our bodies are loans for our spirits and our souls are way more important - we should take care of our bodies, but it's a blessing to have all working - we walk, we see, we hear, etc. So self-acceptance comes much easier! Besides, you are beautiful! Glad you see things in a more loving way towards yourself! Wishing you a great week!
    DenisesPlanet.com

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    1. Thank you so much Denise! You're so right and we do only see this as we get older but I'm glad I do now :) xx

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  5. Beautiful post Amy, it makes me happy to hear that you are feeling good cause you should! I can also relate to a lot of this too. Hope you have a great start to your week.

    Gemma x
    www.jacquardflower.uk

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    1. Thanks so much Gemma, hope you had a lovely Monday (as far as Mondays can be lovely haha!) xx

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  6. You are beautiful inside and out, Amy! Just the way you are is more than enough <3 xx

    Blessings,
    Edye | Http://gracefulcoffee.com

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    1. Aw Edye thank you so much that's the sweetest comment :) xx

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  7. I love this post and couldn't agree with it more! I was always the awkward ugly duckling at school and I always tried to hard to fit in with everyone but since I've gotten older and I've drifted away from all of the "friends" I once had, I'm so much happier and much more content with myself. You go girl - you're a mega babe and don't let anyone tell you any different! x

    Always, Alice

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    1. Yay I'm so glad you feel the same, thanks so much lovely :) xx

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  8. What a beautiful post, it makes me happy to hear that you have learned to accept yourself, I know how to difficult that it is. You should be very proud of yourself for getting there. I can't believe what this girl said to you - although in a way, she indirectly gave you a compliment because Jas is very sweet and caring - but still. I once was in a similar situation, I clearly had the wrong friends at school and one thing I learned is that 'everyone thinks' translates to 'I personally think so but I don't have the guts to say it'. The wording is very wrong and manipulative but I know how much it can put you down, I had a friend who was exactly like that too. And surprise, surprise, we stopped being friends the minute we graduated. Anyway, my point is that she probably was the only one who ever thought that and people who have to word things that way mostly feel really insecure which gives them the need to put others down - at least from my experience. And I don't enjoy staying out til 4 either but luckily all my friends from uni are older and all put sleep over partying haha. Anyway, you're a beautiful person on the outside and on the inside and don't let anyone ever tell you differently! xx

    113thingstosay.com

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    1. You're so right about 'everyone thinks' meaning that just that one person thinks! It's a shame people can make you feel that way, but you're so right that it's only because they have their own issues. Glad you're more content now too lovely! xx

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  9. Love this post lady - self acceptance is so important and I completely agree that their will always be hiccups, sometimes I feel fine and love myself but other times I'm not my biggest fan, I think we just have to take the highs with the lows and surround ourselves with people who have a positive impact on our lives!

    Hayley xo
    www.frockmeimfamous.com

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    1. You're so right and it's as much about the people that you surround yourself with than about your attitude to yourself :) xx

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